Patamon VS Army of Darkness
by Sword Shard
Summary: My version of Army of Darkness... Digimon style! Starring Patamon as Ash, Gatomon as Sheila, Veemon as Arthur, and Hawkmon as Henry, here comes a long fic! Not my usual AU.


Patamon VS the Army of Darkness

A/N: I got bored, so I rented a movie, _Army of Darkness_, and watched. It was epic. Although it was an old movie, I think it was awesome. It's part three of a trilogy of films, the _Evil Dead _series directed by Sam Raimi. He's famous for the _Spider-Man_ films, but enough on that. The main hero, Ash, is played by Bruce Campbell, famous for that role and his one-liners. Ash isn't too good-looking, though; he has a chainsaw for a right hand, since he had to cut it off after it was infected with evil. His other hand holds a double-barrelled shotgun. But enough about the information. The vital thing to remember is that this is not my usual AU. In this one, Patamon is a war-hardened veteran. OC appearance here is just one, unimportant OC. Again, present-time events are in _italics_, flashbacks in normal text. A Deadite is a body, dead or alive, possessed by an evil force. They can be zombies, living skeletons, or even possessed people. Have fun.

_Agumon and Biyomon were going to the local supermarket, bringing along their young Koromon, named Henry. While Agumon and Biyomon were looking at the groceries, Henry didn't follow them, and ended up lost in the 'Housewares' section. Henry bumped right into a Patamon, before he noticed the Patamon had a metal hand. "Hey, you've got a metal hand!" Henry said. "Yeah, so?" Patamon replied. "How did you get that?" Henry asked. "It's a long story..." Patamon said, beginning to tell his tale. _

Patamon trudged on, wearing rags of his clothes. He was in chains, walking raggedly, crying out every now and then whenever the horseman whipped him. Behind him were a Hawkmon, in battle armour, and three more Digimon following suit. Patamon had a stump of flesh for his right arm, no hand visible at all. They were flanked by Digimon on all sides, all on horses, being led back to a castle by a Veemon in special armour. An old, hooded, Tentomon followed, holding a chainsaw in hand. A double-barrelled shotgun was in his grasp as well. _"My name is Patamon," _Patamon thought. _"And I am a slave. Close as I can figure it the year is 1300 AD and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this... I had a real job... once... I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda." _Patamon's mind drifted back to the day he had travelled to a wood cabin, in the forest.

"_Together, we drove to a small cabin in the forest. It seemed like an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find." _A memory came back, one of Patamon opening the dreaded book. _"Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh, inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations, and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awakened some thing... dark in the woods. It took Linda. And then, it came for me." _Patamon winced, both because the horseman had whipped him again, and because of the memory of the evil possessing his right hand. _"It got into my hand, and it got bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist."_ Patamon recalled taking the chainsaw, and slowly cutting the possessed hand off. But another memory came, the hand creeping off, and opening the book. _"But that didn't stop it. It came back. Big time."_ Patamon shuddered even more, recalling the vortex opening, dragging his car inside, and then, him. He, his shotgun, and his chainsaw, which he now used as a right hand. He had modified it to slip into the stump, and operate as if it was a part of him. However, that was of no use, when he was dropped into an open field, his shotgun and chainsaw too far away. His car, an Oldsmobile Delta 88, was lying not too far away, but too far for him to reach. Suddenly, Patamon was surrounded by many horses and their horsemen. Some horsemen got off, drew their swords, and began to attack his car. Their swords bounced off the car, with one soldier remarking, "What a piece of armour this is!" The Veemon, in his armour, rode up to him, imposing. The prisoners were by his side. "Easy there chief!" Patamon cried, backing away. "I don't know how I got here, and I'm not looking for trouble." Veemon yelled "Wiseman!" the old Tentomon rode up to Veemon, and said, "My lord, I believe he is the one written of in the Necronomicon. He who is prophesised to fall from the Heavens and deliver us from the terror of the Deadites." "WHAT?" Veemon shouted. "That buffoon? Likely he's one of Hawkmon's men! To the pit with him!" The soldiers chanted along, "To the pit! To the pit!" While the Wiseman picked up the chainsaw and the shotgun, Patamon yelled, "You miserable bastard!" It was no use, though. He was captured, and forced to move to the castle all the same.

As Veemon led the prisoners into the castle, the townsfolk gathered round, even the tower guards, to see the spectacle. A Gatomon stepped forward, and asked Veemon, "M'lord Veemon, where is my brother? Did he not ride with you?" "Aye..." Veemon began. "And fought valiantly. But last night, he fell to Duke Hawkmon's men. I'm sorry, Gatomon." Gatomon, both hurt and angered at the news, walked up to the prisoners, and hit the first one she saw, Patamon. "Foul thing!" she cried, as she hit the poor Digimon on the head. "My brother's death shall be avenged!" "Company HALT!" yelled a soldier. The procession stopped, in front of a pit. The men were arranged. A soldier went first, and then it would be Patamon, Hawkmon, and then the two last soldiers. "You, sir, are not one of my vassals. Who are you?" Hawkmon asked. "Who wants to know?" Patamon grumbled. "I am Hawkmon the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its people." Hawkmon said, with a dignified air. "Well, hello Mister Fancy-pants." Patamon said. "I've got news for you, pal. You ain't leading two things now but Jack and shit. And Jack left town." "There is an evil awakened in this land..." Veemon said, demanding their attention. "And while my people fight for their very souls against it, you, Hawkmon the Red, wage war on us." Hawkmon, although chained, ran up to Veemon, and said, "It is you who first turned your swords on us! And this evil has befouled my people as well. Your people are no better than the foul corruption that lies in the bowels of that pit!" As Hawkmon was forced back to his original position, the soldier at the front, loyal 'til the end, said, "Right, you're no better." "May Tsurugi have mercy on your souls." Veemon said, cold as ever. The pit doors were opened, and a horrible stench drifted out. A guard kicked the loyal soldier inside, hearing the long scream of Death. There was a long silence. And suddenly, a geyser of blood erupted, spraying the cloud with the blood as well. But the crowd's attention wasn't on the blood, but on the final soldier, running for his life. Veemon quickly drew a crossbow, and fired. His shot was perfectly accurate, and it pierced his back, pinning the corpse to the wall. The guards closed in for the second victim, and Patamon began to panic. "Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute! Hold it! You gotta understand! I've never seen these guys before!" Patamon turned to Hawkmon, and asked, "Tell them, Hawkmon!" Hawkmon shook his head, and said, "I don't think he'll listen, lad." As Patamon was led to the pit, he said, "I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!" Gatomon, watching from the side, picked up a rock, and threw it at Patamon. It hit him on the head, knocking him into the depths of the pit.

Patamon splashed into the pit. He surfaced, and took deep breaths. He stood up, and realized the water was only knee-deep. He shook himself dry; only to see what appeared to be a human hand. "Who's that?" he shouted as he turned round. Nothing, just bubbles. Patamon kept watch on the spot, until a hand reached out, and pushed him under the water. The person was a Deadite, a zombie Digimon much more deformed than a normal one. It waited... until a fist flew out of the water, knocking the Deadite out of the way. Patamon rose from the swampy waters, punching the Deadite back, even with one hand. He kept it at bay for a long time, until Veemon, above, said, "Spikes." A soldier shouted, "He says spikes, you give him spikes." Another soldier pushed a machine, and spikes began to emerge from the wall. At that exact moment, Patamon missed a punch, allowing the Deadite to hit back, knocking him further towards the wall. The old Tentomon made his way to the pit, clutching something in his hands. "Great One!" he yelled. Patamon barely dodged a punch, before he realized the Tentomon had thrown the wrapped object. The wrapping fell away, and Patamon gasped. It was his chainsaw! Patamon jumped into the air, raising his right stump for a hand. The chainsaw fit onto the sump, turning itself on, the sound of the whizzing blades music to Patamon's ears. Landing back in the foul waters, Patamon swung his chainsaw, and the Deadite's head flew up for the crowd to see. Hawkmon cheered, only stopping when a blade was placed at his neck. Gatomon muttered, "Damn you. Damn you." Suddenly, the water level began to rise. Patamon jumped onto the wall, for the swampy waters would short-circuit his chainsaw. Climbing as fast as he could, Patamon climbed away, just as the waters reached the top of the pit. The crowd watched nervously as the chainsaw rested on the top. A hand reached out of the pit, and Patamon crawled out, soggy, but alive. He walked up to Veemon, and said, "You know, your shoelace is untied." Veemon gave him a look of wonder, looked down- and got promptly punched in the face. He was sent flying to the ground, dazed. Patamon grabbed his shotgun, and holstered it before he went to Hawkmon, and said, "Get on those horses and get out of here." Patamon revved the chainsaw, placed it at the guard's neck, and said, "Let them go." The guard lowered his sword, and reluctantly let Hawkmon get onto his horse, his one remaining soldier at his side. Veemon got to his feet, and yelled, "HALT!" He was too late to stop Hawkmon riding out, who yelled back, "THANK YOU GENEROUS HOSTS!"

Veemon, extremely angry, called, "Sword-Boy!" A boy with a sword ran up to Veemon, kneeled, and allowed Veemon to draw his blade. Veemon held the sword, and kicked the boy away. Holding the sword, he said, "For that arrogance... I should see you dead." But before Veemon could even swing, the blade edge was blasted away by a boom. Patamon blew the smoke off his shotgun, and said, "Yeah." Turning to the peasants, he said, "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up. This..." Patamon gestured to his shotgun. "Is my BOOMSTICK!" He pointed the gun at them all. They shirked away in fear, unaware that Patamon didn't shoot. "It's a twelve-gauge, double-barrelled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right; this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right… shop smart. Shop S-Mart. YOU GOT THAT?" Patamon yelled, waving the shotgun around." Now I swear, the next one of you primates... even touches me... "Patamon turned round, and shot the Deadite that had just crawled out of the pit, knocking it back into the deep prison. As the crowd surrounded Patamon, he reholstered the gun, and said, "Now... let's talk about me going back home."

As Patamon lazed in his room, on a couch, he ate from a silver plate, ignoring a woman mixing potions in a cauldron. Gatomon walked inside, and said, "I pray thee forgive me, Lord. I believed thee as one of Hawkmon's men." Patamon bit on a chicken leg, and said, "First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me. Blow." At that point, the Wiseman stepped into the room. Patamon was the first to notice him, and asked, "So what's the deal? Can you send me back or not?" "Only the Necronomicon has the power. Within its pages are passages that can send you back to your time. Only you, the Great One, can quest for it." The Wiseman said. "I don't want your book." Patamon spat, remembering his ordeal with the Necronomicon. "I don't want your bullshit. I just want to go home. Pronto. Today. Chop-" Patamon felt like he had wet feet. He looked down and saw his feet were indeed wet. In fact, the whole floor was wet. Gatomon was wet, but not in that way. Patamon took no heed, his eyes trailing up to the cauldron used by the woman. She turned to face them, her eyes had no pupils. "You shall die!" she cried. "You will never get the Necronomicon. We shall feast on your souls!" At this, she crumpled to the floor, unconscious. Veemon bent down to check, but he stopped when Patamon said, "It's a trick. Get an axe." Veemon backed away, just as the woman leapt to her feet, ready to fight. A loud 'BOOM' was heard, and Veemon turned to see Patamon, shotgun in his left hand. "Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!" the Deadite charged, Patamon ducking and placing bullets in its brain. He turned round, aware that the Deadite had risen, and fired. His bullets killed the zombie, making it fall down, dead. The Wiseman gestured towards the woman, and said, "If the Necronomicon falls into the hands of the Deadites then all of Digimon-kind will fall to this evil. Now will art quest for the book?" Patamon glared at the Deadite, and said, "First..." Patamon went down to the blacksmith, and helped him to make five springs. Loading the springs into a solid gauntlet, Patamon strapped the gauntlet onto his stump, and he was able to move it like a real hand, crushing a goblet with his metal hand. The blacksmith was shocked, and asked Patamon, "What do you call this?" Patamon clenched his new fist, and said, "Groovy."

That night, Patamon was slacking in his room, refuelling his chainsaw, and getting more shells for his shotgun. Gatomon walked in, still wet, and stared at him. Patamon got tired of it, and asked, "What's the matter? Were you born in a barn? Shut the door." He muttered to himself, "Probably was raised in a barn like all the other primates." Gatomon took a seat, blushing slightly, and said, "The Wiseman said that thou art The Great One. 'Tis said that thou will journey for the book to help us. And that thou will lead us against evil." "The only reason why I'm helping you is to get home." Patamon snapped, loading his hundredth shell into the shotgun. Gatomon reached over to pick up a piece of metal. "I believe that thou art be leaving in the morning-" Gatomon began, before Patamon cut her off. "Don't touch that, please." Patamon said, gesturing to the metal piece. Gatomon put it down as Patamon continued. "Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and molecular structures and-" Patamon paused, and asked, "What are you doing here anyway?" Gatomon blushed some more, and said, "I-I wanted to say that all my hopes and prayers go with you. And I made this for thee." Gatomon placed a brown cape and a blue shirt on the table. "Good. I could use a horse blanket." Gatomon rose, and began to walk away, before Patamon ran to her, turning her round, and saying, "Give me some sugar, baby." He kissed her hard, invading her mouth with his tongue. Gatomon gladly kissed back.

The next day, Veemon, Patamon, and the Wiseman rode up to the outskirts of a forest, and the Wiseman told Patamon, "This path will lead you to an unholy place. A cemetery. There the Necronomicon awaits. When you retrieve the book, you must recite the words 'Klaatu Barada Nikto.'" "Klaatu Barada Nikto." Patamon repeated. "Well, repeat them." The Wiseman said. "Klaatu Barada Nikto." Patamon said, obviously annoyed. "Again!" the Wiseman demanded. "Okay! I got it!" Patamon snapped. He rode into the forest, only to find a familiar force in the place. He walked a bit further, and he still felt that presence. Feeling unsafe, he replaced the gauntlet with the chainsaw. It revved to life, but there was nothing to cut. Patamon calmed down... before something touched his shoulder. He turned and saw... it. It was beyond description, but it shocked Patamon out of his mind. It was not solid, making it invulnerable. And he was going to be dead if he didn't run. Patamon began running. He ran, speeding up, until he crashed into a windmill door. Fumbling with the lock, Patamon opened the door, and bolted himself inside. He panted as the spirit went away. He turned, and came face-to-face with a mirror. The mirror image was nothing like Patamon, instead holding a tree saw, and a blunderbuss. All of a sudden, it stepped out from the mirror, trying to saw Patamon. He jumped back, and drew his chainsaw. It revved to life, and it cut away the blunderbuss. The Mirror Patamon swung his own tree saw knocking the chainsaw off Patamon's stump. Patamon was quick to equip the gauntlet, but his shotgun dropped in fear when he saw the Mirror Patamon yelled, "Know who I am?" Patamon stopped for a while, before the Mirror Patamon said, "I'm Bad Patamon. You're Good Patamon. You're goody little two-shoes." With that, he laughed like a maniac. Patamon raised an eyebrow, but he was quickly punched, knocked out of the house. "Little goody two-shoes!" Mirror Patamon said. He laughed some more, only stopping when he saw the shotgun barrels under his nose. Patamon glared, and pulled the trigger. His mirror image was sent flying into a tree, before crumpling unconscious. Patamon blew the smoke away, before saying, "Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun."

Knowing from experience, Patamon knew he hadn't much time. He had to dissect his mirror image before it became a Deadite. Bringing its body back to the windmill, he attached the chainsaw to his stump of a hand, and began to chop. The Mirror Image, although dead, opened its eyes, and screamed in pain as it was cut into pieces by the chainsaw. It could only suffer the pain of immortality, the inability to die. Soon, Patamon wrapped the pieces in the brown cape, dug a hole, and threw the bag in. The head of the Patamon rolled out, horribly deformed, and said, "You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon. You'll die in the graveyard before you get it." Patamon stopped heaving the dirt back in to say, "What's that you got on your face?" "Before the head could answer, Patamon shovelled dirt onto its face, covering it in dirt. It coughed, just as Patamon finished burying the body sack in the ground. He got his weapons, and continued. The grass trudged beneath his feet, only until he saw the headstones then he stopped. He looked ahead, and saw an altar, with three Necronomicons. Patamon paused for a while, before saying, "Three books? No one said anything about three books. What am I supposed to do, take one book, or take all the books?" Patamon reached for the book on the left. To his surprise, it opened, and revealed a gaping hole in the pages. This was no ordinary hole, for it sucked Patamon inside, before slamming shut.

It was a good ten seconds, before Patamon punched he cover from underneath, making the book open. He began the slow process of extricating himself from the hellish fake book. He got out, and realized his chin was far too long, trailing all the way down to the ground. He shook his head, the deformity disappearing in an instant. "Whoa..." he said, shocked. "Wrong book." He reached for the one in the middle, but it flew up. It behaved like a bat, trying to bite him. Patamon yelled in fear, revving his chainsaw, and slashing the false book in half. He reached for the last book, but stopped, and remembered, "Whoa. Wait a second. The words. Right. The words." Patamon cleared his throat before he said, "Klaatu, Barada," he paused, mainly because he had forgotten the third word. "Necktie," Patamon said, trying his hardest to remember the third word. "Nectar. Nickel. Noodle... it's an 'N' word. Definitely an 'N' word." An idea formed in his mind, and Patamon declared, "Klaatu Barada Ni-" Patamon coughed twice, hoping it would've fooled the book. He looked around. Nothing happened. "That's it, then!" he muttered, picking up the book. Suddenly, a storm erupted out of nowhere. Tombstones exploded, raining the sky chock-full of stone. Patamon ran as quickly as he could, not noticing lightning strike the grave of his Mirror image. Back at the castle, Veemon shouted orders, making everyone hide in the parapet. The only ones not seeking cover were Gatomon, who looked at the horizon, while the Wiseman said, "Something's wrong, something's amiss!" Meanwhile, at the grave, lightning lashed down from the skies. From cold earth, rotted flesh took form. Muscles pulled upon dead bones. Tissue linked the bones back together. From there, it was reborn. The rotted, undead Patamon said, "I live... again."

From Veemon's castle, a soldier saw Patamon, and said, "He's back! The Great One! The Great One's returned!" Much cheering went up in the castle, while Patamon trudged back in, soaking up all the attention. This was cut short when the Wiseman ran up t him, and asked, "The Necronomicon, quickly!" Patamon tossed the book, and said, "Yeah, yeah." The Wiseman was not amused, and said, "Did you speak the words correctly?" Patamon replied, "Not exactly." "Dung-eating fool!" the Wiseman raged. "You have doomed us all! When you misspoke the words, the Army of the Dead awoke." "Hold your tongue! Patamon ordered. "You said you'll keep your end of the bargain!" "Yes, we will." Veemon interrupted. "We are men of honour, and we will keep our end of the deal. The Wiseman will send you home." The Wiseman blubbered, before muttering curses. Suddenly, a winged Deadite swooped from the sky, and grabbed Gatomon. "Patamon!" Gatomon screamed. "Help me!" "Gatomon!" Patamon realized, dashing up, chainsaw revving. The castle archers took aim, before they were ordered down by Veemon. "Hold your arms!" he shouted. "You'll hit the girl." Patamon ran, until he could go no further. The winged Deadite flew free, leaving Patamon to shout, "DAMN YOU!"

In the graveyard, the Deadite Patamon oversaw the revival of skeletons. There were skeletons of various Digimon, most of them Guilmon and Agumon that fell in battle. Many still held their own arms. "You there!" the Deadite Patamon yelled. The Agumon skeleton he had called, dressed handsomely in Viking armour, asked, "Yes?" The Deadite Patamon said, "You will be the Deadite leader. Lead the troops as my captain." The skeleton said, "Yes, my liege." A few more skeletons brought in Gatomon, bound tight. The Deadite Patamon brought her mouth up to his, and said, "Give me some sugar, baby..." And Gatomon was unable to resist his lewd advances as he kissed her, trying to struggle away.

A scout approached the castle, running up to his lord. Veemon glanced down and said, "Arise." The scout rose to his feet, and said, "My lord, an army of the dead approaches. It will come in approximately two days." There was much panic, only quelled by a gunshot. All the heads turned to look up at Patamon standing on a ridge, shotgun in hand. "Go ahead, Run home to cry to mama! Me, I'm through running! I say we stay here and fight it out!" "How do we fight an army of the dead at our castle walls?" Veemon challenged. "We are but fifty men. How do we fight that?" "Then we get Hawkmon the Red to help us." Patamon said. He raised his arms, and said, "Now, who's with me?" The blacksmith raised his hammer, and said, "I'll stand by you." A castle guard said, "You can count on my steel." A peasant raised his pitchfork, and said, "I'll offer up my courage." A swordsman raised his blade and said, "Sword's by your side." Another swordsman said, "I'm with you!" The castle archers all said in unison, "We'll bend our bows to your will." After that, everyone started crying, "HAIL! HAIL!" Patamon smiled. He had won the trust of the people. "So, let's begin!" Patamon cried. For the next two days before the arrival, Patamon trained the castlefolk staff-wielding, taught the Wiseman the composition of gunpowder, and invented explosive arrows, tying bags of gunpowder to the arrowheads. The catapult rocks were also loaded with gunpowder. The blacksmith had retrieved Patamon's car, and created a weapon out of the Oldsmobile. The peace was shattered when a scout appeared, and said, "They're coming! The Deadites approach!" Patamon glanced out, and saw the sheer numbers of Deadites ready to swarm the castle. Patamon only had one thing to shout. "BATTLE STATIONS!"

Outside the castle walls, Deadite Patamon looked at a red bundle of cloth, and said, "Well, my dear, say hello to the boys." The Deadite Agumon captain said, "Now THERE's a sight for sore bones." The bundle of clothe lifted a flap, and from beneath, a very pale Gatomon flashed an evil smile. She said, "I may be bad… But I feel good." The Agumon Skeleton nodded, and asked, "My liege, permission to advance." Deadite Patamon said, "Permission granted, by all means!" The Agumon turned, and ordered, "TO THE CASTLE!" The skeletal Army of Darkness mobilized, drummers drumming the tune of 'March of the Dead', raising the morale of the skeletons as they headed for the enemy. The army came to a sudden stop when a Guilmon sub-commander said, "Company halt!" Deadite Patamon said, "Bring forth the scout." The Agumon Skeleton said, "My Liege, we're positione on both fronts, ready for invasion." Deadite Patamon said, "Fine, fine, fine. Where are they keeping my book?" The Agumon pointed at the parapet, and said, "There, my liege, the parapet, the most likely place." "Right." Deadite Patamon said. "Bring me into that castle." The Agumon skeleton nodded, and charged forward, shouting, "Forward! Cry havoc, and unleash the Dogs of War!"

In the castle, Veemon and Patamon watched as the Army of Darkness approached the castle walls. "Arrows." Patamon said. "Torch-Boy!" Veemon shouted. A short, pudgy child came running, setting fire to the fuses on the arrows. He scarpered, and Patamon said, "Steady." The Deadites came closer, ever closer, while the archers stood there, waiting for the command. As the flames almost reached the gunpowder, Patamon nodded. "Veemon cried, "FIRE!" Flaming arrows were shot from the cradle, landing on both Deadite and Earth, exploding and destroying the Deadites swarming the gate of the castle. Deadite Patamon gnashed whatever teeth he had left. The Deadite Agumon observed the situation and said, "Second division, march!" The second array of Deadites began to move towards the castle as well. Inside the castle itself, a soldier ran up to Veemon, and said, "Sire, there's a second division approaching south." "Catapults." Patamon said. "Catapults south!" Veemon ordered. The catapults were moved and pointed to the south, firing flaming, explosive rock after rock. The Deadites scurried, running for cover. Words like, "Seek cover!" and "Run away!" could be heard, even from the Dedite camp. "Oh you miserable bag of bones!" Deadite Patamon raged. "Pick yourselves up and Sally for-yroh!" However, the fearsome, deformed Deadite leader was stopped when his jaw spun backwards. He spun it back, and tried again. "Sally for-yroh!" Deadite Patamon spun it back more carefully again, and whispered, "Sally forth." Regaining his control of speech, Deadite Patamon said, "Arrows!", mocking his counterpart. The skeletal archers fired their crossbows, killing half the archers on the castle. The Agumon skeleton said, "We've broken through! THE CASTLE IS OURS!" Patamon dashed over to the blacksmith, and said, "Prepare the Deathcoaster." Veemon shouted to his men, "Move back! Man the parapet! Protect the book!." Silently, to himself, "Tsurugi save us all."

Suddenly, the blacksmith doors opened, and Patamon rode out, in his car, slashing down Deadites left and right. He had added a drill to the front of the car, twin rotors on it's sides, spiked tires, and a medieval equivalent to a turbo booster. He charged forward, and as he cut down the tenth Deadite, yelled, "Say hello to the 21th Century!" He held out his chainsaw, slashing down whoever came in his way. He had almost ridden out of the courtyard, when he saw a familiar sight in front of him. It was Gatomon, holding her hands outstretched. Patamon cursed, making a sharp left turn, turning his Deathcoaster too far. He leapt free, the Deathcoaster, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. It rode out, before finally crashing and exploding in a flaming work of art. However, Gatomon looked at Patamon, and almost drove a spear into his neck. Patamon turned round, and jumped off. A skeleton put his hand around Gatomon's neck, and said, "You're mine, sweety." Patamon ran up to the parapet, shooting his boomstick, knocking the Deadite out, saying, "Get your paws off her." Meanwhile, at the parapet top, Veemon was fighting three Deadites at once. A crossbow bolt struck him in the shoulder, piercing his enhanced, hi-metal armour. "Gah!" he cried, as he slashed a Deadite away. "Damn you." He muttered angrily, cluthcing his left shoulder. "My lord!" shouted a guard. "Stay with the book!" Veemon shouted back. As sudden as another crossbow bolt narrowly missed Veemon, a tower guard yelled, "The Red! The Red! Duke Hawkmon and his men have come!"

Outside the castle, The Deadites were running in fear. Deadite Patamon himself was in the castle. The reason was a team of a hudred thousand men, lead by Hawkmon himself, on horseback, swinging a spiked mace. He yelled, "BLOWS! BLOOD! AND! DEATH!" The Duke of Shale had stormed the Deadites, defeating them easily. However, Hawkmon may have been too late, for Deadite Patamon, Patamon, and Evil Gatomon had made their way onto the parapet. Deadite Patamon saw his Agumon commander, and said, "Hello again." He kicked the faithful Deadite off the parapet into the spinning mace of Hawkmon, taking his Silver Serpent-Blade. Deadite Patamon charged forward, stopping only when he had found the Necronomicon in it's new cradle, behind bars. Patamon attached the gauntlet, his chainsaw out of gas, and grabbed a huge, spiked sword. He was too busy to notice the words 'Ravager Blade' on the huge sword. "Come to papa!" Patamon yelled. Without bothering to turn, Deadite Patamon said, "Get him." Gatomon leapt from the ground, puncing on Patamon, trying to impale him. "Ah!" Patamon yelled. "Ah! Get off, you crazy cat!" "You found me beautiful once." Gatomon said with a seductive tone. Patamon grabbed her tail, and swung her of the parapet, while saying, "Honey, you got real ugly." Gatomon screamed as she hit the haystack under the parapet, knocking her out. Deadite Patamon looked at Patamon, grasped the Silver Sepernt-Blade, and said, "You wanna play rough, eh? Okay." He then swung the huge blade, almost cutting at Patamon. He barely dodged the attack, before he grasped his Ravager Blade, and swung it as well. The blade hit Deadite Patamon, but the impact did nothing but cut into a small rib. Deadite Patamon readied his huge sword, and said, "You're going down." Patamon ducked, letting the sword cut the air above him, and ran up towards the book, saying, "No, I'm going up." Deadite Patamon tried to follow up, before Patamon swung the Ravager with all hismight, knocking Deadite Patamon into a flame on the ground, one of many created by his own Deadite army. "Tally Ho!" Patamon cried. Howeve, before Patamon's eyes, a hand reached from the parapet. The being climbed over, and Patamon saw Deadite Patamon, reduced to a skeleton wearing the former's armour, the Silver Serpent-Blade now a Vile Serpent-Blade.

"I've got a bone to pick with you." Skeletal Patamon said, swinging his new blade. This time, although Patamon used the Ravager Blade to block, the impact of the force sent him flying all the way down, off the parapet, onto the same haystack the unconscious Gatomon lay on. Near him, Hawkmon's mace hit the skulls of ten Deadites, sending sparks flying everywhere. A single spark landed on a rope that lead to the rock of a catapult, that would explode if not left alone. Skeletal Patamon grabbed the Necronomicon, and said, "At last… the book. Turning round, book in hand, Skeletal Patamon yelled to his living counterpart, and said, "I possess the Necronomicon! I've crushed your pathetic army! Now I'll have my vengeance!" With that, Skeletal Patamon jumped from the parapet, landing on the rock of the catapult Patamon was near. Patamon grasped the Ravager Blade, and said, "Buckle up, Bonehead, because you're going for a ride." "Huh?" Skeletal Patamon said. In one flud moment, Patamon swung his Ravager Blade, cutting off Skeletal Patamon's hand holding the Necronomicon, and slashing through the catapult rope, launching Skeletal Patamon into the sky. Patamon looked at the sky as Skeletal Patamon screamed, "Noooooooooooo!" right before the rock exploded, destroying his evil counterpart once and for all. Patamon then looked at Gatomon. The colour returned to her, and she asked, "Patamon? What happened?" Patamon hugged her, and said, "It's okay. It's over." A soldier yelled, "Victory is ours!" The cheer that went up was defeaning. No Deadite was able to survive the coming of Hawkmon, and his forces. However, whatever was left of Veemon's forces and Hawkmon's hundred thousand men split off to their own sides, facing each other, ready to begin a new war. And Patamon and Gatomon were stuck in the middle.

Veemon and Hawkmon moved to the frontline, weapon-less (And in Hawkmon's case, horse-less.), and they stared at each other. "Hawkmon." Veemon said. "My greatest enemy." Hawkmon said. The tension was so thick, it could've slashed in half with a chainsaw with great diffiulty. Without warning, Hawkmon and Veemon embraced, both saying, "But enemies no more!" "Hawkmon, you had us going for a moment!" Patamon said. Hawkmon nodded, and bowed to Gatomon, saying, "My Lady." Gatomon blushed. "Veemon." Patamon smiled. Ignoring the searing pain in his shoulder, Veemon smiled, "Well won, my friend." The castle erupted into cheers, shouting, "PEACE IN OUR LAND!" Much later, after some major translation, the Wiseman told Patamon, "The book tells us that once you drink this liquid," the old Tentomon held up a vial containing something looking suspiciously like vinegar, "and recite the words 'Klaatu Barada Nikto', thout shalt awaken in thine own time. Remember, you must recite the words exactly." Patamon nodded, and left the castle, thanking Veemon, the Wiseman, Hawkmon, and Gatomon. He left, never to be seen again by the castlefolk. His time there remained a legend, commonly told by all the people. Patamon's souvenir was the metal gauntlet, which had helped him, and his sword.

"…_I thought about staying." Patamon said. Heny was listening in with great enthusiasm. "They offered me the chance to lead them, to teach them, to be king!" "Uh huh." Henry said. "But my place is here, so I swallowed the juice, said the words and here I am." "Did you say the words right this time?" Henry asked. Patamon recalled himself again having to cough twice in order to fool the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, and said, "Well, maybe I didn't say every single tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them… Basically."_

_Later, after a lot of searching, Henry went back to his parents, and Patamon found himself back to his job. As he was selling a toaster to Biyomon, a Gatomon looking exactly like the one from his previous encounter, said, "You know, that story on how you could've been king… I believe you. Since… well… that Gatomon was my ancestor." "Yeah?" Patamon replied. Suddenly, an evil force blasted through the store, possessing a woman, who turned, and knocked Patamon into the sporting section, trapping Gatomon under a cart. The Deadite raised her weapon, a toaster, when it was suddenly shot out of her hand. She turned, and saw Patamon standing on a cart, shotgun in hand, the Ravager Blade in the other. "Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store." "Who the hell are you?" the Deadite asked. Patamon sheathed the boomstick, and held the great sword. "Name's Patamon… Housewares." The Deadite screamed, and hurled herself at him. Patamon took a swing, and slashed the Deadite in half. Her dead body fell to the floor, dissected, and defeated. As Henry, Agumon, Biyomon and Gatomon went to him, Patamon thought, "Sure I could've stayed in the past. Could've even been king. But in my own way, I am King." He then sheathed his sword, kissing Gatomon, and said, "Hail to the King, baby."_


End file.
